Following the unfortunate accident last Sunday which befell the gentleman from the East Cowes Fenian Association, it was deemed preferable if news of his demise did not reach the townspeople. Therefore he now lays at rest within our newly rebuilt terrace wall, which was so thoughtlessly demolished by Wilhelm.
Today Eddie has asked me to provide him with an alibi for the time that Miss Mary Ann Nichols was being so brutally murdered in Whitechapel. Eddie is at great pains to assure me that he had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with this heinous act, but, just to be on the safe side, in case the 'Peelers' decide to 'fit him up' as he puts it, he feels that an alibi provided by the Queen of England might in some small fashion assist him.
He thinks that something along the lines of an entry in my diary to the effect "How nice it is that Eddie did yesterday go to visit Viscount Downe at Danby Lodge, Grosmont in Yorkshire SO FAR FROM LONDON. What a coincidence that this was also the day that Miss Mary Ann Nichols was so brutally murdered in that distant city" might be useful. I however have my reservations, juries may be comprised of the ill informed, unkempt, uneducated, poor, indolent, unemployed hoi polloi but unfortunately they are not always stupid.
My legal advisor Mr. Samuel Forster has offered an interesting alternative, namely that Eddie should adopt the 'McNaughton' defence, to wit that he was as mad as a ferret at the time of this heinous act and therefore not in control of his faculties. Achieving this should not really pose any great difficulties, as of late Eddie has taken to twitching and fondling his scrotum in the most socially embarassing manner.
I have to go now as my foot is still recovering from the attentions of Beatrice's gerbil last night. Stupid foot.
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