As some of you may be aware I have a keen interest in art. So it was with great interest that I recently observed a certain Mr. Jeremy Paxman and a 'film crew' wandering around dear Osborne making a 'programme' for the 'television'. This 'tele-vision' sounds unpleasantly similar to Mr. Bell's 'tele-phone' and probably about as much use. Apparently this 'programme' is to be about paintings.
I trust that Mr. Paxman will not be so foolhardy as to criticise my own artistic endeavours, some of which adorn the walls of Osborne. If he does I should like to point out to him that the noses on my portraits are in the centre of the face and not protruding from the forehead, that my figures are not naked or engaged in obscure sexual practices and that there are no dead sharks anywhere. Dead prostitutes, dead Fenians yes......but definitely no dead sharks.
On the subject of dead prostitutes I am alarmed to learn that Mary Ann Nichols, Annie Chapman and Elizabeth Stride have joined forces and intend to sue Eddie for their individual and collective murders. They have adopted the title of 'The Whitechapel Three'. One sincerely hopes that they will not have to amend this name to include any more.
I have to go now as I have just noticed a banner proclaiming "Justice for the Three" flying from the flag tower. Stupid tower.
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